Kingdom Marriage Series: Episode Twelve

Hi, guys. How do you do?

Long time no post, right? It was beyond my control, honestly. But I'm here for the last episode in the Kingdom Marriage series. And it's a really interesting one. Mr. and Mrs. Scott and Beatrice Eneje shared a lot with us. I admire their honesty and vulnerability and can't wait to let you in on it. 

Before I leave your face, here's a reminder to catch up on the previous episodes. They are filled with many lessons you can't afford to miss. Start from episode one, then move to the next episode and the next one till you get to the previous episode. Deal? Alright, let's hear from today's couple.

Nancita: Please introduce yourselves. 
Mr.: I'm Scott Eneje.

Mrs.: I'm Beatrice Scott Eneje. We’ve been married for 3 years now.

Nancita: How did you meet?
Mr.: We met in college. She caught my attention in a class when she dissed me for dissing friends who were trying to find out how I was the only one to score every point in a class test. I was hesitant because I was the oldest person there, and this was a joke for me. 

I was sitting in a classroom almost 7 years after my first time in college. So, I wasn’t willing to make friends or respond to people I perceived as little kids. But she wouldn’t fret around me like others did. She called my bluff often and would take any chance to disagree with me. I liked it since she obviously didn’t like me. After several weeks, I thought of asking her out for lunch, and she said yes.

Nancita: Was he/she your spec at first sight?
Both: No.

Nancita: What are the non-negotiable qualities you found in your spouse?
Mr.: She was loyal from the first meeting. Loyal to friends, she obviously was not in the same league with, but for the sake of who she was, she stayed loyal till the end when she chose someone. I loved that.

Mrs.: He was the smartest person in the room and wasn’t afraid to show it, yet he was kind enough to not let it intimidate people, instead motivating them.

Nancita: What does a kingdom marriage mean to you?
Mr.: We both love God, and that’s a key center.

Mrs.: A kingdom marriage is one bound by scriptures. Christ is the head of the church, His headship is revealed in the man to his home, and the church is the wife He loves with everything and gives His all to.

Nancita: What is your view about God's will in marriage?
Mr.: God's will in marriage? Understanding your relationship with God and being directed by Him is important. We don’t recommend dreaming about your husband or wife or hearing a voice saying, “This is the one,” even though we know it happens to many people like that. 

As Christians, we believe you would be guided by the Word, and when you choose someone, there’s an alignment in purpose. As for His will when you marry, it’s a lifelong commitment to do what we see Christ do. A replica of His relationship with the church He established is His will for any marriage.

Mrs.: Being able to wake up every morning and choose the same person, irrespective of how you feel per time.

Nancita: How did you become convinced that you made the right choice?
Mr.: I don’t know if I was truly prepared; I just knew I wanted to commit to Bibi, and that was a starting point. I learned more through counseling, and we've upheld the principles from our counseling. I always recommend real marriage counseling, not the formality we do, the real one. 

Mrs.: I was afraid but was certain I wanted to be with Scott. We had been through a lot and had too many chances to fall apart, too many good reasons to fall apart. But here we were, so it was a question of how much we were both ready to keep giving. And yes, counseling played a huge role. Also, both of us surrendering to Christ as our head made it easier to keep going.

Nancita: Mr. Scott, how did you ask her to be your girlfriend/wife?
I don’t think I asked officially. I told her I loved her first, but I wasn’t in the right state of mind for a relationship then, so I didn’t ask. She did, and I said yes. Lol.

Nancita: Wow! You did the asking. I'd love to know why.
He was all confused, but I knew he needed someone. So yes. I asked. Took him a while, but he said yes.

Nancita: How long did you court? Describe your courtship. Did you have misunderstandings during courtship? 
Mr.: We were together for a total period of 6/7 years before we got married. It was tough. I was a nut job, and she had her stubbornness. We all have scars that we bring into the lives of new people we meet. I knew hers and wanted to help with hers. I just didn’t want anyone helping me with mine because I didn’t think I needed help. For her, a relationship is give and take. 

So, she tried to reciprocate. I was used to simply giving, and that’s it. If I needed something, I’d figure it out myself. This was our biggest issue, and many times, I’d break up just so I wouldn’t commit to having someone know me too well. So yes, we had our issues. The biggest redemption was truly getting to know God. We were Christians, but truly finding God made all the difference in our marriage. 

Mrs.: Everyone I knew loved Scott. He had a charm, but he had his demons, and he struggled internally. The toughest thing with someone who preferred to only show his strength and never share his weakness with anyone was that it was hard to get through to him, and anytime he started to give himself away, it was a big fight because it was clear he didn’t want anyone to help him. 

So, yes, we fought a lot. But as hard as it was, I loved him through it. It was not until we got married, and about a year into our marriage, that we decided that rather than have fights, we would talk, no matter how tough the conversation. We don’t need to be happy about what we have to say, but if it must be said, we talk and work through it. And we’ve been doing this ever since, and it keeps strengthening us.

Nancita: What was the role of your local assembly in your courtship?
Mr.: We found our marriage counselors through our church. They’ve been one of the most significant contributors to our marital success. Mr. and Mrs Elesin hold a strong place in our marriage. Our local assembly has impacted us very deeply. That’s Daystar.

Mrs.: That's right. We’ve also found solace from our previous loyal assemblies, some members who we still hold there.

Nancita: Do you encourage pre-marriage counseling?
Both: Yes

Nancita: What resources do you recommend for courtship and marriage preparation?
Both: The Church, God, books, mentors. Keep people who are doing it right close. Watch what you watch and read. There’s a lot out there speaking bad of marriage. Manage what enters your heart, ears, and eyes.

Nancita: What kind of wedding did you have? Was it your dream wedding?
Both: Yes. It was simple and by the water. It was something we both wanted.

Nancita: How has married life been?
Mr.: It’s a continuous journey, and we are forever students. But we love each other and are constantly working on our love for each other.

Nancita: What was your greatest culture shock?
Realizing that our parents have different parenting styles. It’s not a culture shock; it was just finding our own style, and that’s not easy. But we found a way, and I think our parents respect that.

Nancita: What got better when you got married?
Mr.: Everything got better. Communication, lifestyle, and relationship with God and our siblings. Everything and it is not a measure of anything other than seeing love based on how God loves us through our marriage.
Mrs.: Everything, actually.

Nancita: Do you miss being single? If yes, what do you miss?
Mr.: Nope. I’ll die of boredom going back to being single.
Mrs.: No.

Nancita: What does love and submission mean to you?
Both: Everything the Bible says about it is what we hold. We take it that both submit. First to God and then to each other. It doesn’t take away who the head of the home is. It makes it clearer. 

Nancita: How do you navigate challenges?
Both: We talk, and we pray.

Nancita: What is your advice for singles and intending couples?
Find yourself in Christ. It’s easier to recognize who you want to be with when you know yourself to a certain extent.

Whoosh! What an episode. Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Eneje. And thank you for being a part of the Kingdom Marriage Series. I'm sure you enjoyed it as much as I did. Do me a favour, will you? Let me know your favorite lessons in the comments section. Thank you. 

Ps: Another series is around the corner. Can you guess what it'll be about? Stay tuned😉

Love and Light,

Nancita💕