Kingdom Marriage Series: Episode Six

Holla, how are you doing?

I'm here again for the Kingdom Marriage Series. If you missed yesterday's episode, it's not too late. You can catch up on it here. Today's episode features another amazing couple. They've been married for 4 years and there's a lot to learn from their story. I'm sure you're here with your journal and pen. So let's get right into it.

By the way, I like that their favorite thing to do together is.....go find out yourself, jhoor. Ready? Let's go!

Nancita: Please introduce yourselves. 

Mr.: I'm James Ben Udi, a man of many parts. I'm popularly known as James Ben (in Music) or PJay (in church). I'm a pastor with a core teaching ministry, a music minister, a businessman, and lots more. I presently serve as the resident pastor of the Chapel of Mercy in Okpanam, Delta State. I hail from Delta state, Urhobo by tribe, married to the love of my life, Jennifer, and we're blessed with an amazing daughter, Ruby.

Mrs.: I am Jennifer Chibuogwu Ben-Udi, a music minister and philanthropist serving in the children's ministry in my local assembly (Chapel of Mercy). I'm from Delta state, Igbo by tribe. I'm married to James (my baby), and we're blessed with an exceptional daughter, Ruby. We've been married for 4 years.

Nancita: How did you meet?

Mr.: We met in Church. At the time, my wife was my friend before she became a marital prospect. This allowed us to interact freely without "forming."

Mrs.: We met in Church.

Nancita: Was he/she your spec at first sight?

Mr: No.

Mrs: No.

Nancita: Interesting. A lot of people have answered no to this question. So, what are the non-negotiable qualities you found in your spouse?

Mr: She truly fears the Lord and is flexible/teachable.

Mrs: He is God-fearing, selfless and calm.

Nancita: What does a kingdom marriage mean to you?

Mr.: I believe a kingdom marriage has God as the Leader and His principles as their modus operandi in all that pertains to the family.

Mrs: A kingdom marriage puts the kingdom first in every area and has God as the Leader.

Nancita: What is your view about God's will in marriage?

Mr: Simply put, it is marriage as God designed it.

Mrs: God ordained marriage at first, so He is very interested in it. I believe it allows God to lead you to someone who fits into His purpose for your life.

Nancita: How did you become convinced that you made the right choice?

Mr: I have always believed that God loves me and knows what's best for me. I had my specifications, but I was wise enough to know not to cling too tightly to them because sometimes God's best for you isn't in the best of packages (The Saviour was born in the manger, and the wisest of men searched him out first in the palace. What an irony).

I have always told God how much I desire His will for me regarding this and that if I am caught up in the clouds and can't hear His lead while heading in the wrong direction, I submit to whatever measure necessary to bring me back to my senses. My fullest conviction came when we finally married, and God didn't stop it. (Laughs)

Mrs: I enjoy so much peace and rest, and I have no regrets at all.

Nancita: How did you prepare for marriage, and when did you start?

Mr: I prayed and observed my parents, who were my role models in marriage (doesn't mean theirs was perfect, but I learnt what to do and what to not do. I also learnt what to do better from their strengths and weaknesses). I've always been a student of God's word, and back then, as a teenager, I read books and listened to a couple of messages on marriage.

Mrs: Wisdom is everywhere, so I was looking out for it. I paid attention to teachings, corrections, and mistakes, asked questions, read books, etc. I started preparing from a very young age when I knew I would get married someday.

Nancita: Mr. James, how did you ask her to be your girlfriend/wife?

I just went straight to the point with a touch of spirituality here and there. I wasn't romantic then, and she reminds me whenever we watch a new proposal video. She'll say, "See your mate," and we'll laugh. But I have promised her a return match when we clock a decade.

Nancita: Mrs. Jennifer, how did you respond? Were you surprised, or did you see it coming?

I form small na (laughs). But sincerely, I wasn't surprised at all.

Nancita: How long did you court? Describe your courtship.

Mr: We courted for about 2 years. It was a time of learning and checking for us. We learned about each other and checked if I really wanted to do life with this person.  

Mrs: We courted for 2 years. It was time to really get to know each other.  

Nancita: Did you have misunderstandings during courtship? 

Mr.: Yes, we had a couple of them.

Mrs.: Yes, we had our differences.

Nancita: Tell us how you resolved them.

Mr: My style has always been to talk things out. I don't do attitude or malice; that has become our style, even in marriage.

Mrs: We talked it out most times.

Nancita: What was the role of your local assembly in your courtship?

Mr: Our marriage counselors were members of the church. They guided us. It also allowed us to meet in church because we attend the same church.

Mrs: They guided, counseled, prayed for, and supported us.

Nancita: Do you encourage pre-marriage counseling?

Mr: Very much so.

Mrs: Yes, I do

Nancita: What resources do you recommend for courtship and marriage preparation?

Mr: I recommend books like The Five Love Languages. Then follow coaches like Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo, just to mention a few.

Mrs: I recommend books like Success in Marriage by Bishop David Oyedepo, Myles Munroe's books on marriage, etc., and coaches like Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo and Mathew Femi-Adedoyin.

Nancita: What kind of wedding did you have? Was it your dream wedding?

Mr: Our wedding was on a Sunday morning with less than 100 people in attendance because it was the period the government imposed a limit on crowds because of COVID. We got married just before the lockdown. We didn't have a reception, just a church wedding. Food was shared in takeaway packs, and we closed. My dream was to be married, not to impress anyone with my wedding. I am still happily married to the love of my life. My traditional marriage was lit and quick, too.

Mrs: No, it wasn't. We had to change the date because the government imposed a lockdown because of COVID. Some of my dear friends couldn't attend. But it was still awesome, and I am still happily married to my baby boo.

Nancita: How has married life been?

Mr: Married life has been very interesting. 

Mrs: It has been beautiful.

Nancita: What was your greatest culture shock?

Mr: None, really. We were similar culturally and mindset-wise.

Mrs: None.

Nancita: What got better when you got married?

Mr: Everything. My walk with God, my finances, and my life in general.

Mrs: Everything.

Nancita: What do you enjoy doing together the most?

Mr: Bathing. As funny as it sounds, we discuss our day, have meetings, have good laughs, etc., while having a night bath, and we could be there for like an hour sometimes.

Mrs: Gisting and bathing. If he takes his bath without me, na problem ooo (laughs)

Nancita: Do you miss being single? If yes, what do you miss?

Mr: For me, no.

Mrs: No.

Nancita: What does love and submission mean to you?

Mr: It means being respectful and teachable.

Mrs: The concept of love and submission is God's principle for orderliness and a better relationship with each other.

Nancita: How do you navigate challenges?

Mr: We pray together, talk, think through, and seek counsel.

Mrs: We pray, discuss, and brainstorm together. 

Nancita: Write a love note to her:

Hey babe, I know I could never have been wise enough to choose you because every day we've spent together makes me wonder how I made such a smart choice. My conclusion is simply that God loves and takes things that concern me seriously, and you are one major proof of this. I love you and would do life with you over and over again if I had to. Thanks for loving me the way you do.

Nancita: Write a love note to him:

My baby boo, thank you for loving me selflessly. Despite my shortcomings, weaknesses, and errors, you still show me so much love. I love you now and always. I may not have a grenade to catch for you now, but I desire to always see myself loving you selflessly, baby. God bless you, God's gift to me.

Nancita: What is your advice for singles and intending couples?

Mr: Don't trust your eyes, don't trust your emotions, trust God.

Mrs: Allow God to lead you and trust Him.

Nancita: Do you want to tell us something else?

There's a lot more but for time.

Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. James and Jennifer Udi.

Dear blog readers, I'm sure you picked several lessons like mine. See you in the next episode.

Love and Light,

Nancita.💖