Kingdom Marriage: Episode Four

Aloha, people. 

How are you doing? Happy first Sunday in February. Where's the year running to, though?🙄 If you have an answer to that question, please let me know.

So it's another interesting episode of the Kingdom Marriage Series. We've had three episodes in the last couple of days. Today's the fourth one, and I can't wait to have you read and learn from this episode. 

As usual, ensure you have your pen, journal, and popcorn. It's going to be an interesting and insightful read. 

Ready? Let's go! 

Nancita: Please introduce yourselves. 

Mr.: My name is Samuel Bright Olawale.

Mrs.: My name is Boluwatife Ohita Sam-Olawale.

We’ve been married for 2 years.

Nancita: Can you tell us how you met?

Mr.: We met in Ebonyi State NYSC campground. She approached me to enquire about the numeric tag (007) I inscribed on my cap. We were both in platoon 9, so seeing that number on my face cap spurred her concern. She thought it was a medical term, but to me, it was just a cruise code from a favorite movie character (James Bond). 

Mrs.: We met during our service year (NYSC) at NYSC camp, Old McGregor College, Ebonyi State, in 2018. We were both in the same platoon. Our platoon had a scheduled meeting, but while we awaited the arrival of our platoon head, I couldn’t help but notice a guy who kept distracting my reading with his non-stop talking. I raised my head, and something else caught my attention. The inscription he had on his NYSC cap.

Nancita: Was he/she your spec at first sight?

Mr.: NO!!! 

Mrs.: NO. He was the total opposite of what my spec was.

Nancita: Lol. So you weren't each other's spec at first sight. So, what non-negotiable qualities did you find in your spouse?

Mr.: Friendliness, kindness, smartness, intelligence, attention to detail, independence, to mention a few.

Mrs.: Kindness, emotional maturity, openness, jovialness, and God-loving.

Nancita: What does a kingdom marriage mean to you?

Mr.: A kingdom marriage is such that two individuals (a male and a female) of marriageable age come together in a union under the governance of God. 

Mrs.: Kingdom marriage is a marriage in which both parties are committed to function under the authority of God to replicate His image through their callings. 

Nancita: What is your view about God's will in marriage?

Mr.: First, let me say that God’s Will is not a person but an attribute and a feature in alignment with your God-given vision. So, anybody can be that Will of God for you, as long as it’s within the boundaries of the Holy Spirit. Check within your spirit bearing witness that “THIS IS THE ONE.”

Mrs.: God’s will are attributes to look out for in a person both vision-wise (does his/her vision align with mine?), personality-wise (is he/she the image of God all round), and his/her understanding of God. Use God's word as a standard and the Holy Spirit as a guide. (John 16:13-14)

Nancita: Since you both highlighted that God's will isn't a particular person but a kind of person with certain attributes, how did you become convinced that you made the right choice?

Mr.: First, it happened just as God had said it would happen. After about 2 months, God spoke to me and reconfirmed that she was the one. 

Mrs.: After the witness in my spirit, I still found it difficult to accept that he is the one. But as time went on, we built friendship on a platonic level, and I started to see along the line that we had a lot of things in common. Also, our visions, though different, align.

Nancita: That's interesting. So, how did you prepare for marriage, and when did you start?

Mr.: I started preparing for marriage as far back as 2015. I attended a series of marriage seminars, and although I didn’t like reading books, I was intentional about marrying right. Even after our relationship began, we started meeting different couples and asking them questions about marriage to help us learn from their experiences and serve as a guide for us.

Mrs.: From my teenage years, I have enjoyed meeting with older women and asking marriage-related questions. I visited them with prepared questions, and I got answers while helping them with some chores. Unknown to me, I had started preparing for marriage.

Then, in 2017, I became more intentional by listening to marriage sermons and reading marriage-related books.

Nancita: I'm happy to hear that you both started preparing for marriage intentionally before you even met. That's beautiful. So, Mr. Samuel, how did you ask her to be your girlfriend/wife? 

Well, as usual, we were deep in conversation one night while strolling the streets of Abakaliki when I told her my intention towards her, and that was the beginning of our love journey. However, I popped the big question, “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” after about 2 years. 

Nancita: Mrs. Boluwatife, how did you respond? Were you surprised, or did you see it coming?

I never gave him a YES or a NO. I just smiled because I saw it coming. We continued the friendship, then took it one step at a time, not rushing things.

Nancita: Describe your courtship and tell us how long it was. Did you have misunderstandings during courtship? 

Mr.: We courted for 3 years and about 6 months. 

Our courtship was not all that smooth. The first year was tough because we were trying to blend in. You know, our differences were playing out, but we were able to blend well after about 2 months.

Mrs.: Our courtship was a jolly ride after overcoming the “getting to know each other” stage. We prayed together, studied the word, even embarked on fasting and prayers together, and created a lot of fun moments together.

Yes, we had some misunderstandings due to our different backgrounds and temperaments and the fact that we were just getting to know each other. We both have choleric traits and not wanting to compromise led to a major misunderstanding that nearly tore us apart.

Nancita: That must have been tough. So, how did you resolve them? 

Mr.: One of the big issues I faced personally was CONFLICT RESOLUTION. I sat her down and asked what I could do to ease her anger each time she was angry because my fiancée could be angry for days at that time. After a long chase, I got clues on how to ease her anger and resolve issues amidst us amicably WITHOUT CAUSING FURTHER ISSUES.

Mrs.: We both had different ways of approaching things. I, for one, don’t like approaching things in the heat of it. I’d rather wait for it to subsidize, not minding how long it took me. But he, on the other hand, will always want the issue addressed on the spot in the heat of it. We had to agree and reach a middle ground, even though it wasn’t easy initially.

Nancita: What was the role of your local assembly in your courtship?

Mr.: My pastor was carried along in the whole relationship journey. We also did our 6 months of marriage counseling in the church.

Mrs.: The pastor of the church we both attended then was carried along in the relationship journey. We also submitted our relationship to an older couple in church whom we admire to mentor us through the journey.

Nancita: I like the accountability you both put in place. That leads to my next question; do you encourage pre-marriage counseling?

Mr.: YES! 

Mrs.: Definitely.

Nancita: What resources do you recommend for courtship and marriage preparation?

Mr.: Waiting and Dating by Miles Munroe and Model Marriage by Dag Hedward Mills.

Mrs.: Books: Waiting and Dating by Miles Munroe and Model Marriage by Dag Hedward Mills. Sermons: Marriage sermons by Pastor Kingsley and Pastor Mildred Okonkwo, Apostle Joshua Selman, and Mummy Funke Felix-Adejumo.

Nancita: What kind of wedding did you have? Was it your dream wedding?

Mr.: We had a wedding according to our budget. I never had a dream wedding. 

Mrs.: We had a wedding according to our budget. No, it wasn’t my dream wedding. My dream wedding was to marry by the beach with a maximum of 50 attendees.

Nancita: But I'm sure you'll have your dream marriage. Speaking of which, how has married life been?

Mr.: I will say it has been awesome. We have different personalities, but they are steadily blending in, and that’s what makes the marriage interesting.

Mrs.: It has been beautiful with the involvement of God.

Nancita: What was your greatest culture shock?

Mr.: None, actually.

Mrs.: None that I can think of. 

Nancita: What got better when you got married?

Mr.: A lot of things actually; finance, my cooking skills.

Mrs.: My conflict resolution; I no longer keep malice or get angry at the slightest thing.

Nancita: Marriage makes you better indeed. Tell us what you enjoy doing together the most?

Mr.: Gisting, seeing movies, and praying.

Mrs.: We do practically everything together most of the time, but a day will not go by without us gisting. So, I’ll say gisting.

Nancita: Do you miss being single? If yes, what do you miss?

Mr.: No.

Mrs.: No, I don’t.

Nancita: What does love and submission mean to you?

Mr.: The man is commanded to love while the woman is commanded to submit. Hence, when a man loves his wife, the woman automatically submits. In short, LOVE BIRTHS SUBMISSION.

Mrs.: To me, love means accepting the entirety of your partner, giving yourself up (sacrificing) for his/her happiness, while submission is placing your authority under the control of another.

Nancita: How do you navigate challenges?

Mr.: With the help of the Holy Spirit.

Mrs.: With God, through the help of the Holy Spirit.

Nancita: Write a love note to her:

Your voice is my favorite sound

Your smiles are my repeated rhythms

Your love is the melody that puts me to nap

Your kiss is like the honeycomb dripping with sweetness

You are my happily ever after

Just when I think that it is impossible to love you 

More than I already do, you prove me wrong.

Nancita: Write a love note to him:

Your love is the melody that fills my heart with joy

In your arms, I’ve found my home

Each moment with you is a treasure

I cherish the way you make every day brighter

You are my anchor, my confidant, and my greatest blessing

You are my everything,

I love you more than words can express.

Nancita: What is your advice for singles and intending couples?

Mr.: Singles out there should ensure they hear God concerning their partners. They should ensure a working friendship between them and their partners because beauty is vague and love diminishes, but friendship stands the test of time.

Mrs.: Dear Singles, while waiting for “Mr./Miss Right,” work on and build yourself to be someone’s “Mr./Miss Right.”

Understand that no one can tick all your boxes because no one is perfect, but make sure you can cope with their excesses.

Also, do not neglect red flags; you cannot change him/her; whatever manifests in a relationship amplifies in marriage. So don’t be carried away by the gifts and butterflies; ASK REASONABLE QUESTIONS.

Dear Aunty, a relationship is not a poverty alleviation scheme. Don’t kill somebody’s son with billing and ensure you define your relationship to avoid premium tears.

Dear Intending Couples, marriage starts after the wedding. Don't spend all your time and resources planning for a wedding that is just for a day; invest your time, resources, and prayers in the marriage. It is a lifetime journey. No one has ever received an award for having the best wedding. Know that God and the Holy Spirit are the only third-party permitted in your union.

 Both: Thank you 😁

Wow! Thank you, too. That was a whole sermon right there. I enjoyed hearing and learning from your story, particularly the emphasis on praying together and being accountable to your pastor. I'm sure everyone else will pick several lessons.

Guys, you can tell that it's getting even more interesting. So don't miss the next episode. It'll be up tomorrow. Have a great night, and ensure you meditate on the lessons from this episode. You can also catch up on the previous episodes here, here, and here.

Love and Light,

Nancita✨