Friendship. Good Old Friendship.

 

Hi guys, welcome here. How do you do? 

Today, I write about a topic that has been in existence from ages past; Friendship. Good old friendship.

One time I was discussing something one of my friends did for me with my sister and she said: "your friends are superstars, love that for you". I took a screenshot and posted it on my WhatsApp status, with a promise to my viewers that I'll write about friendship one of these days. 

So here, promise is about to be fulfilled. Now, let it be known that this post alone cannot do justice to all I have to write. There'll be other posts with time. So enjoy this tip of the iceberg. 

I can't keep many friends. Truth is, I really cannot meet up with the emotional demand. I'm usually drained by relationships and so most times I just step out of some relationships to recharge and get myself. 

However, last year, one of the things I set out to achieve was to expand my circle of friends. Funny right? But I decided to stretch myself a bit. So I read a couple of resources on friendship and all and one thing stood out in all of them...be a friend to have a friend. Phew! This can be hard work if you're new to it, but it ain't impossible.

One thing I had to do is to strip myself off negative labels... "I'm not a people's person", "I'm not an extrovert", "I'm not a blah blah". 

He that must have friends must show himself friendly. That is from the Holy Bible and it applies to you too. Be the kind of friend you want to have. People find it easier to respond to love than initiate a loving action first. 

Be the bigger person. Friends are very important to our existence. Don't mind what anyone says against it. I know there are bad people, but that's not your focus. 

Friends are like the siblings God let's you choose. Choose well. Here's how you can extend a hand of friendship:

First off, I'll like to mention that this is a dish I'm also feeding from, so shall we all eat and be merry? and yea, the goal is progress and not just perfection..so here:

One 

Pray for them. I absolutely believe in prayers. Your friends would go through a lot of things they might never mention to you, cover them with prayer. Many emotions they'd feel, journeys they'd make and ventures they'd launch into, and all of those life demands might affect your relationship. Your prayers would help a lot.

Two 

Help them grow. This one ehh, I am really careful not to cross the line between recommending and imposing. But I can hardly read a good book and keep it to myself. Or watch a dope YouTube video and keep mute about it. Or discover a sound teacher and mind my business. So I try to harass my friends into reading, listening to a sermon or taking up a course sometimes.

Think about your friendships and answer this question in your heart of heart. The people you call your friends, do you look out for opportunities that would benefit them and show them or you don't see those opportunities? 

I know you're praying for them, but are you also watching? Watch and pray. Most times, you are the link between someone and  what they need. You are to close the gap by exposing them to opportunities for their destiny. I hope you don't waste those opportunities. 

I learnt this from my sweet sister and I have been paying it forward ever since. I think you should do so too.

Three

Give them grace. Last time I checked, people don't come perfect. Including thee and I. So understand that there would be rough patches, but like my mum will always say: don't throw away the baby with the bath water. 

Think through every fight and fight for the people God has placed in your life. If God has put them there, the devil will not want to let you maximize the friendship. Trust me. 

Be discerning and fight right. Decide if they are worth fighting for and do the needful. 

Four 

Understand their place in your life and your place in theirs. This is very important as it controls every other thing. And I'll dwell here for a while. 

A quick question: will you use tomatoes to make orange juice? Or banana to make coconut rice? Did I hear you say never? Good. 

So also in friendships, there's a kind of friend for certain areas of life, seasons, interests and so on. That doesn't necessarily make them more important than your other friends. It just makes them purposeful.

I feel like a lot of strain in friendships results from expectations that were not met or even communicated. Can we do better? I leant this the hard way o. And now, I know the kind of friend you'll be, and the category to place you in almost immediately the friendship begins. 

So one time I was always pumped and hyped about teachers of the word and would tell everyone. I was telling someone one day and she said 'they don't even know you.'

Mehn, it caused me to shrink, recoil and just shut up at some point. But today I know better. I really do know who to tell what...see growth. I know the kind of friend for every gist.

When I want to talk about books and songs, I know the tribe to reach out to. When I want to talk about sermons, prayer walks, vision and all, I know the tribe. When I want to talk about Nigerian news, I also know the tribe.

So the message is: for every vibe you've got, find the tribe. Not everyone will get you on certain levels and you won't always be on the same wavelength as those around you...move on. There's a tribe for every vibe...

And no sweetie, the tribe doesn't have to be a legion. It can be just one person. But know the level. There are levels of friendships. You can also be unequally yoked with a friend.

I believe that friendships have purposes and seasons. Know the purpose of a friendship and strengthen your friendship around that purpose. 

Don't judge a fish by the ability to fly. It's simply placing a demand on a capacity that isn't there. Everyone's strength is different and if you don't realize it, your cheque will always bounce and it wouldn't be their fault.

Also note that you cannot force your interests on a person. That'd be so much pressure and you'd end up suffocating the friendship. 

Know when a friendship is in season and treat it as such. Like Hilda said, "don't water a crop that's out of season". The danger with that is you won't get fruits.

Make peace with this and unlock a new level of maturity.

Bonus point 

You need your friends to show up for you in a certain way? Speak up. Ask and it shall be given unto you. Most times, people are willing to help you, but they don't even know how and you're not asking. Today, ask for help where you need it. That's how to enjoy friendship. 

This is the sermon I need to preach to myself and place on repeat. Don't we all need to?

Now I know that there might be friendships you messed up before, I have too. Work on reconciling if possible or just move on and trust God to bring other people your way. Most importantly, treat them better cos you now know better. 

As you discern the purpose of your friendships, ensure to enrich them with the right kind and proportion of investment and attention. Whatever you don't feed, you automatically kill.

Be a good friend, he that must have friends would show himself friendly. The first step to finding is becoming. Become a friend and you'll discover your friend.

The ultimate purpose of friendship is to make each other better. Never forget that. Iron sharpeneth iron. Let your friendships sharpen you.

Ps: Shout out to all my friends. Like my sister said, you are a superstar and I thank God for you.

Cheers to many more years of doing life together.

Love and Light 

Nancita